|
|
Letting go.
________________________________________________________________
I'm only 23 years old and so i haven't lost much.
When I was in kindergarten, I lost my maternal grand dad. When I was in primary school, I lost my paternal grand dad. Both times I was way too young to understand much. They were old I knew, and had suffered for some time from stroke.
Then when I was in university, my paternal grandma passed away. She too was old, and had been in and out of the hospital for a period of time. The day she left, my dad called and told me that grandma had gone to heaven. I remember going numb, and then going back to my work. I was on my internship then in that dreadful genting lane office. It was only 10 minutes later before I went to the toilet and cried.
Then the job made me witnessed more deaths.
The first wake i was sent to was that of a young policeman who died. The father of two was only in his early 30s and his kids were not even in primary school. I went to the wake, uncertain as to how i should approach the wife. Eventually I broke the questions and she spoke to me.
Later that night, back in the office, i needed to reconfirm some quotes. I called the home and the daughter picked up.
"Hi can i speak to your mama?" i asked.
"My mama is not in and my papa is dead," she replied matter-of-factly.
That night, I couldn't sleep.
Then, there was the secondary school boy who got knocked down by a bus. He was barely 13. His mom was weeping throughout the wake and it was his dad i spoke to. The quiet man stroked his son's scouts uniform while he spoke to me. He had tears in his eyes. It's been a long time since i watched a grown man cry.
Then there was the hougang fire. When a fire broke out at a shophouse beneath their flat, a brother sister pair ran right into the fire and were burnt to death. Their parents ran in the opposite direction and got off the scene unscathed. That day I went to the wake, I sat beside the dad and waited for him to speak. He spoke slowly, with long pauses.
"Uncle, what are your plans for the future now?" i asked meekly, knowing my editor would want a good quote.
The 65 year old man removed his glasses, took out his handkerchief and wiped his tears away.
"How can you ask me something like that? do you know how much it breaks my heart to watch my children die?" he said.
Halfway through the interview, his wife, ran towards her children's coffins,unable to come to terms that her they have gone before her.
That was the first time I saw a woman lost control that way, the first time i saw two coffins at a wake.
Then there were the various other deaths, the list goes on. Each time i witness something tragic, my heart hardens a little.
Now, i have no problem sleeping though at times, i still read through the blogs of these dead people, trying to comprehension how they could be so alive one minute and then dead the next.
When my cousin ran into an accident last week, we all thought he would be fine. Or at least i did.
The young brain in me can't register tragedies, at least not in my family.
But each day, the news get worse.
"He's in a coma."
"He went through five operations."
"A part of his head is dented."
"The frontal lobe of his brain is dead."
Each day the news gets worse and I sit and pray but no words come out.
Then I say, dear lord, help me understand all these that's going on around me. Give my cousin a miracle.
I'm too young. I haven't experienced too many losses.
Now's not the time for one.
I don't want to give up, but from the tone of the people around me, it seems that's the only way out.
If there's ever a time for a good miracle, lord, now's the time.
posted by alienresident at
1:11 AM
The ring.
________________________________________________________________
I must say, I'm enjoying my status change.
It's been close to two weeks since i'm almost officially someone else's official other half.
The ring finger on my left hand says it all.
Dearie has been bugging me to blog about the proposal since we've been repeating our story so many times, both of us have lost the zest to tell it.
The short version of our story: it started at the peak and ended at the drain.
Everyone i've told the story to, after the woooos and ahhhsss said there're also many filthy unromantic moments. Think drain and poo.
Anyway, i will blog abt the proposal one day, in the comfort of home. Now i'm skiving at work.
And so the glitter on my fourth finger has somehow registered a change in me. I feel older, more mature and like i belong somewhere, or at least to someone. After the first day of wearing it, it was weird after i took it off, like something's missing.
And then besides the glitter and love, there are many more plans to make. Everyone has been asking when when when. My answer: when we have the $ $ $.
Feel free to contribute to the "mavis&brandontogether4everfund".
Till then, let us just bask in love. heh.
posted by alienresident at
8:21 PM
|
|
The Alienworld |
|
Holiness redefined
Gorgeousness redefined
Pleasure redefined |
|
Lyric of the month |
Travis - Flowers in the Window
There's no reason to feel bad
But there are many reasons to feel glad, sad, mad
Its just a bunch of feelings that we have to hold
But i am here to help you with the load.
Wow look at you now
Flowers in the window
It's such a lovely day
And i am glad that you feel the same
Cause to stand up i'm in the crowd
You're one in a million
And i love you so, so lets watch the flowers grow.
|
|
Archives |
|
|
|
